rsmit212 | (no subject)

It was April the 41st, being a quadruple leap year. I was driving in
down-town Atlantis. My Barracuda was in the shop, so I was in a
rented Stingray, and it was over-heating. So, I pulled into a Shell
station. They said I'd blown a seal. I said, "Fix the damned thing,
and leave my private life out of it, okay pal?"

While they were doing that, I walked over to a place called the Oyster
Bar... a real dive. But I knew th owner. He used to play for the
Dolphins. I said, "Hi Gil!" You have to yell, he's hard of herring.

Gil was also down on his luck. Fact is, he was barely keeping his head
below water. I bellied up to the sandbar. He poured me the usual --
Rusty Snail, hold the grunion, shaken, not stirred. With a peanut-
butter and jellyfish sandwich on the side, heavy on the Mako. I
slipped him a fin... on porpoise. I was eling good! I even dropped
a sand-dollar in the box for Jerry's squids... for the Halibut.

Well, the place was crowded. We were packed in like sardines. They
were all there to listen to the Big Band sound of Tommy Dorsal.
What sole. Tommy was rocking the place with a very popular tuna...
"Salmon-chanted Evening." And the stage was surrounded by screaming
groupers, probably there to see the bass player.

One of them was this cute little yellow-tail, and she's giving me the
eye! So I figure this is my chance for a little fun... you know, a
piece of Pisces. But she said things I just couldn't fathom. She was
too deep. She seemed to be under a lot of pressure. Boy, could she
Drink! She drank like a... well, she drank a lot. I said, "What's
your sign?" She said, "Aquarium." I said "Great! Lets get tanked!!"

I invited her up to my place for a little midnight bait. I said, "Come
on, baby, it'll only take a few minnows." She threw me that same old
line -- "Not tonight, I got a haddock." And she wasn't kidding,
either, 'cause in came the biggest, meanest looking haddock I'd ever
seen come down the pike. He was covered with mussels. He came over
to me and said, "Listen, shrimp... don't ya come trolling around
here..." What a crab! This guy was steamed. I could see the...
anchor in his eyes. I turned to him. I said, "Abalone. You're just
being shellfish."

Well, I knew there was going to be trouble, and so did Gil, 'cause he
was already on the phone to the Cods. The haddock hits me with a
sucker punch. I catch him with a left hook. He eels over. It was a
fluke. But there he was, lying on the deck, flat as a mackerel...
kelpless. I said, "Forget the Cods, Gil. This guy's gonna need a
sturgeon."

Well, the yellow-tail was impressed with the way I landed her boyfriend.
She came over to me. She said, "Hey, big boy, you're really a game
fish. What's your name?" I said, "Marlin."

Well, from then on we had a whale of a time. I took her to dinner. I
took her to dance. I bought her a bouquet of flounders. And then I
went home with her. And what did I get for my trouble? A case of the
clams...

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

wow how odd. I was trying to explain this to gumby the other day.

This story is excellent over rice with a small side of wasabi and soy sauce.

The man's a nutcase. I love this one and the other one I know by him... can't remember the name, but it's grain and vegetable puns.

*shudder*

lying on the deck, flat as a mackerel.....kelpless
good times, good times